Spanish Resort

My daughter sent this picture of the resort she stayed at in Spain in Costa Del Sol. She says there are no pictures of her, as she must have taken all the pictures! That pool looks fantastic.

I'm about to go on a mini-vacation about 2 hours up the road with my current boyfriend. No, I was not with my daughter on that Spain vacation, as she went with her father, my ex, who lives in England. So I am going to be sitting at my hotel pool trying to imagine being in Spain and soak up the little bit of ambiance gleaned from the pictures she sent.

Then I will wake up from my revelry and realize:

1) There is no chance in hell I would see a celebrity hanging out at this hotel and this pool.

2) I might get the same tan as my daughter but I won't be able to brag to my friends and say " I got my tan from SPAIN!

3) The closest I will get to Spain is looking at pictures of my daughter's trip there.

4) If I went to Spain, who would take care of the cat and who would water the "crisis" garden I've got started because of the "Great Depression #2" going on over here. Oh yeah, that's right, I CANT go to Spain BECAUSE of the "Great Depression #2" going on over here!

When I go out to dinner with my boyfriend I will just order tacos.

Blueberry Festival

Our town had it's 6th annual blueberry festival and I had a booth in the nice air conditioning of my friend's shop while everyone else had booths out in the hot sun with the high reaching 96 degrees! They probably made more sales out there however because the crowds were huge this year despite the recession and the heat. We just got the people who just wanted to cool off rather than any serious buyers and walk off with their core temp regulated again.

Despite my complaining, I did get a chance to see some of my friends who came by to see if I was still alive after quitting my job 3 months ago. Of course, they did not buy anything, but they kind of visually picked me over to see if my cheeks were sucked in from the malnutrition that comes along with the territory. But my blush that I apply along my cheekbones kinda creates the illusion that I am more emaciated than I really am.

I actually got phone numbers from people who want some custom work done, so it was not such a bad day for me.

Novelty Item

I'm real excited about my adult novelty item I will be placing in my shop! I had about as much fun as a person can handle while I was sugaring the shells with some Martha Stewart crystal fine glitter. It just had to have some bling of course...why not.

One thing I was not happy about was using myself as a model. I had to squish my boobs together while strapping that thing on to make it look like I had some sort of cleavage. Plus dustings of bronzer in the middle of my chest to make a shadow appear out of nowhere! You will need to depress the Etsy badge on my site to visit the results of that fiasco.

I need to hurry up now and create some more hemp jewelry for my craft booth for my town's little blueberry festival. It's such a small town that I don't think I can put out my adult party wear. I might keep it behind the counter and whip it out like some Chinese herbal shop that keeps adult toys in the James Bond style hidden cabinets.

Bikini Top Suprise

I surprised my boyfriend at the door wearing this makeshift bikini top when he came down to visit me this weekend! I could not find two like shells the same size so I used two different kinds! The strings are leather cording that I used years ago for creating bow and arrow sets. This makes it very durable so you can get the suit wet if need be. This made my imagination run wild! I just intended it to be just a temporary makeshift one of a kind piece......but I could not stop there!

This gave me a wonderful idea to make some fantasy bikini tops to put in my Etsy shop for adults that want an extra spice in their relationships, etc. Also can be used for parties like luaus or just one crazy night of fun! I will make a few and see what happens. I was not sure whether to make a shell bikini bottom, but they make separates anyway these days so maybe people would just use a bottom of their choice (dental floss, hemp cord etc).

Feel free to give me any ideas so that I can work them into the design!

Pirate Choker

This is my latest project in Etsy. If you want to see my shop just press the Etsy badge to the right. I'm having fun scavenging the North Carolina Coast looking for re-cycle-able materials that floated up. I'm getting more in tune with the environment as I have been composting now for at least 3 years all my vegetable waste in the kitchen...mind you....it takes almost that long for it to compost down in mine as there is virtually no air flow...too lazy to turn it with a pitch fork. It would actually be better in a garden tumbler to get it going...throw in a couple tiger worms and Bob's your uncle, I've got compost. I can ditch ever getting another bag of peat from Home Depot just to start my garden off in the Spring!

Starting to get the hang of my Dremel tool I got the other day. No, I did not find the hot tool guy in Lowe's last night, as I sped in there kind of late...like 5 min. before closing time! So I ran around to locate my diamond bit to get through the blasted tough ass material like shell and beach pebble. I've learned a technique of dribbling a little water on the widening hole from time to time...so it does not heat up as much...and put the speed on medium. This was suggested by my current boyfriend who is in the construction business. He even knew that I need eighth of an inch bit...smart guy. We are gonna get along just fine. Now he knows what to get me for my birthday...more tools.

Just got a new toy yesterday! Want to create jewelry from hemp and natural found objects such as beach pebbles, beach glass and shells! I should have purchased a diamond bit. But, I went ahead and used a multipurpose bit and started drilling on a shell and it almost caught on fire! The bit started glowing a dark red...good thing I stopped when I did or else the pressure would have broken off the bit....plus it would have probably bounced right into my eye and gone searing straight through my cerebral cortex. There would go my crafting with two eyes in tact....I would have to rename my shop The Crafty Pirate or thereabouts!

I guess I'll need to frequent the Lowe's tool department and break it down...by asking for help from, hopefully a nice looking virile male tool assistant who knows a little something about drilling holes in objects with a smoking red hot drill bit.....sorry my mind was drifting somewhat. Anyhow, check back with me to see whether or not I burnt down this establishment with my new masculine type tool....need to start getting some compound pharmacy estrogen treatments as I'm starting to ask for Tim the Tool Man type of gifts rather than jewelry or perfume. RARRRRR RARRRRR RARRRRR RARRRRR!

Chark's Crisis Garden!

Here is my crisis garden! I call it crisis garden as food prices are going up with the price of gas and they have the nerve to put it into smaller packages! I am livid. But, when you really need a garden to flourish that's when the plagues of the Bible invade the garden all at one time. For example: It' taken forever to see any fruit growth on my zucchini....it stayed at one inch for 2 weeks until I nuked it with miracle grow. I was trying to stay with the organic variety of fertilizer but it takes longer to "kick in" so I had to relent and use chemical fertilizer which will "zing" it into a growth spurt.

On top of that I've got another Organic garden in the back toward the woods, but I get invaded by rabbits and deer who actually munched down my snap peas....which were growing quite good...had it growing up some branched out twigs from my wood pile...until those rascally vermin came along and nipped off the tops...I went out there and exclaimed that it was not so bad as it was only the tops...in fact it might make it grow better and branch out...but they came back the following night and finished the job and ate the whole lot! There goes my nights of stir fried snap peas coated in a sweet and sour sauce on rice! It sounds like its going to be stewed fresh rabbit and venison on the menu my dearies!

On top of that all my mustard greens have got huge bug holes in them, my last year's strawberries did not come up this year....they were choked out by the weeds while I had a "real" job and did not have time to pull them out, my tomatoes that I grew from seed died so I had to go down to the local plant store and buy them in. The positive thing is that they seem to be doing well as they have a natural toxin that keeps bugs and fauna away, thank God! At least I can have tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches!

Let me know how everyone else is doing in their gardens while we are enduring the worse financial catastrophe in human history. Hopefully, we will not be all bent down with our long hippie hair flowing around us and eating our chemically "enhanced" lawn as it's the only thing growing in our eco-imbalanced world we live in! Joy to the world...all the girls and boys now...joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea...joy to you and me...